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Daddy What Did You Do in the War?
How to help soldiers cope with the emotional scars of war

Years before TV reality shows captivated the nation, a single photograph, the kind that imprints its image on the human experience, troubled Americans deeply. It held us hostage.

Like our tendency to rubberneck as we drive slowly by a car accident, we were transfixed by this sight of human suffering. An inner voice warned, “Look away,” but we didn’t heed. We couldn’t. We felt, at the same moment, both fear and sorrow. “This is real. This is happening to another human being.” In guarded silence we added, “I’m glad it’s not me or mine” … relief… guilt.

In 1972, an incriminating photograph traumatized America. Broadcast on television and published in nearly every newspaper and magazine, it shook us. From our most militant citizens to the deeply apathetic, we took pause, “Did we do that?”

The Vietnamese girl in the photograph, nine-year-old Kim Phuc, was running naked down a dirt road. Having torn off her napalm soaked clothes; she tried in vain to escape the chemical that was burning her tender skin. An American bomb had landed on the pagoda where she was hiding. Like the car wreck, the photograph captivated us. We were prisoners of its raw, graphic imagery. We were prisoners of war.

John Plummer, who set up the air strike on Kim’s village, was deeply traumatized by the photograph. He had twice been assured there were no civilians in the area. "Her photograph was indelibly burned into my heart and soul and was to haunt me for many, many years," said Plummer. "My heart was wracked with guilt in the realization that it was I who was responsible for her injuries; it was I who had sent the bombs into her village." He adds, "there was no way I'd ever be able to see her, because even if she is still alive, she is in Vietnam, a country I will never be able to bring myself to visit again." For years, Plummer told almost no one of the incident.

Every war has its share of emotional casualties. Consider the impact on our boys, posted at a military checkpoint, who, in the performance of their duties, accidentally shot and killed Iraqi women and children. Consider also, 19-year-old Jessica Lynch, wounded, captured and witness to the shooting death of her eight comrades.

When our sons and daughters come home from war they will have changed forever. The images and brutal realities of combat will affect each soldier to varying degrees. We, who receive our homecoming soldiers, should respond with compassion and understanding.

Soldiers may be inflicted with emotional wounds when…

1. They survive while a buddy dies. They often blame themselves.

2. They witness the death of innocent civilians, especially children.

3. They see dead or mutilated bodies.

4. They are wounded, captured, raped or tortured.

5. They are in immanent danger and fear for their lives.

6. They witness or participate in atrocities that seem condoned.

7. They perceive a lack of proper ceremony for the dead, especially their buddies.

8. They can find no meaningful purpose warranting the level of human sacrifice.

9. They feel angry or guilty about careless accidents and military mistakes.

10. After returning home, they are not celebrated. Their sacrifices are not validated. In his research paper, (Veterans, Combat and Stress, May 1992) John Russell Smith, graduate student at Duke University said, "It is not the traumatic experience of war itself, but the meaning that those events have for the individual which creates trauma." The more innocent and noble the soul, the more susceptible he is to traumatisation. Those with idealistic feelings about God, country and mom’s apple pie are more likely to wrestle mentally and morally with war’s contradictions. They may wonder, for example, “Why, after having fought for all that is good and right, do I feel so sad, not like a hero at all?”

How to respond to a returning soldier:

1. Give them a warm, loving homecoming. (According to the National Vietnam Veterans Readjustment Study, conducted from 1986 to 1988, nearly 50% of Vietnam War veterans suffered from varying levels of posttraumatic stress disorder. Among the various causes for the disorder, the most prevalent were “exposure to combat” and “lack of support from family and friends at the time of the homecoming.”)

2. Encourage them to talk about their experiences, and listen with a compassionate heart.

3. Give them time - Don’t expect them to “Just get over it.” Battlefield medics often opt to leave a wound open rather than close it prematurely and risk infection. These wounds need time and exposure. If the returning soldier seems unable to get past his struggle, be patient. Never suggest they “Buck up and get on with life.”

4. Don’t push - If they are not living up to your expectations, it may be part of a deeper problem. Adjustment disorders such as depression, anxiety, or drug and alcohol abuse are common problems for traumatized soldiers. Encourage them to take advantage of the counseling services at the VA hospital.

5. Relieve guilt – don’t judge. Help them understand events that are not their fault.

6. Validate their problems. During the Civil War they called it “soldier’s heart.” During World Wars I & II, they called it “shell shock” or “battle fatigue.” Today we speak of “posttraumatic stress disorder.” Regardless of the label, the homecoming soldier suffers because, in defense of his country, he has put himself in harms way. Though he doesn’t appear wounded, his heart and mind are casualties of war.

7. Help them find closure - Perhaps they need to fix something they can’t bear to live with. If so, they will need your support. John Plummer, now a Methodist pastor, had an opportunity, twenty-five years later, to face his demons. He met Kim Phuc personally. Of this meeting he wrote, "She held out her arms to me and embraced me. All I could say was 'I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm sorry, over and over again. At the same time she was saying, ‘It's all right, it's all right, I forgive, I forgive.’ I was floating. I was free,” Plummer said, “I was finally at peace.”

Our young soldiers have survived a world that must have seemed unreal and, at the same time, too real. The scars they bear, emotional scars, heal more slowly than their corporeal counterparts do. We need to appreciate this and give them the honor they deserve and the time they need.

For more help in assisting traumatized soldiers you may know, consider these publications:

I Can't Get Over It: A Handbook for Trauma Survivors by Aphrodite Matsakis.

New Harbinger Publications, 1992
Recovering from War by Patience Mason. Viking Penguin, 1990 .