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A Kid's View of
Love & Marriage
HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?
You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she
should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip
coming.
--Alan, age 10
 No person really decides before they grow up who
they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find
out later who you're stuck with.
--Kirsten, age 10
WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET
MARRIED?
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
--Camille, age 10
No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married.
--Freddie, age 6
HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO
PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be
yelling at the same kids.
--Derrick, age 8
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND
DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
Both don't want any more kids.
--Lori, age 8
WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even
boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
--Lynnette, age 8
On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested
enough to go for a second date.
--Martin, age 10
WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST
DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?
I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure
they wrote about me in all the dead columns.
--Craig, age 9
WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS
SOMEONE?
When they're rich.
--Pam, age 7
The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.
--Curt, age 7
The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids
with them. It's the right thing to do.
--Howard, age 8
IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
I don't know which is better, but I'll tell you one thing. I'm never going to have sex
with my wife. I don't want to be all grossed out.
--Theodore, age 8
 It's
better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after
them.
--Anita, age 9
HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE
DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
--Kelvin, age 8
HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE
WORK?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck.
--Ricky, age 10
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A ladies guide to:
"Menspeak"
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"IT'S A GUY THING"
Means: "There is no rational
thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it
logical" |
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I'M GOING FISHING"
Means: "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while
the fish swim by in complete safety." |
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"CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"
Means: "Why isn't it already on the table?" |
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"TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU'RE WORKING TOO
HARD".
Means: "I can't hear the game over
the vacuum cleaner." |
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" OH, DON'T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF, IT'S NO BIG DEAL."
Means: "I have actually severed a limb,
it will bleed to death before
I admit that I'm hurt." |
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"THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR."
Means: "Are you still talking?" |
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"HEY, I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING".
Means: "And I sure hope I think of some pretty darn soon."
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"UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES,
DEAR..."
Means: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response. |
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"IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"
Means: "I have no idea how it works." |
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"I CAN'T FIND IT."
Means: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless." |
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WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?"
Means: "What did you catch me at?" |
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"I HEARD YOU."
Means: "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately
that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at
me." |
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"YOU LOOK TERRIFIC."
Means: "Please don't try on one more outfit, I'm starving already." |
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"YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE."
Means: "I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse." |
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"WE SHARE THE HOUSEWORK."
Means: "I make the mess, she cleans it up." |
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" YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."
Means: "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever
kissed, and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot
your birthday."
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"I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."
Means: "No one will ever see us alive again." |
| The
Amazing Elevator
A family of simple
mountain people were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but
especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together
again. The boy asked,
"What is this,
Father?"
The father (never
having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my
life, I don't know what it is."
While the boy and his father were
watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and
pressed a button.
The walls opened and the lady
rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched
the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially.
They continued to watch until it
reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.
Finally the walls opened up again
and a gorgeous, voluptuous 24-year-old blonde woman stepped out.
The father, not taking his eyes off
the young woman, said quietly to his son,
"Go get your
mother."
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