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   2-5-02

Thoughts, tools and friendly diversions for busy people

 

 


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Things You
Can Do
With A Few
Calories

 


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What is a calorie and how does it really work?

 

 
 

carrot.jpeg (2860 bytes)DIET QUESTIONS ANSWERED

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life.  Is this true?


A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't  waste them on exercise.  Everything wears out eventually.  Speeding up your broc.gif (5680 bytes)heart
will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster.  Want to live longer? Take a nap.



Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?


A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies.  What does a cow eat? Hay and corn.  And what are these?  Vegetables.  So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken.
 
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Beef is also a good source of field grass

 

(green leafy vegetable).  And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable slop.


Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?


A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one to
one.  If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.


Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?


A: Can't think of a single one, sorry.  My philosophy is: No Pain = Feelin' Good.

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?


A: You're not listening.  Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In peppers.jpeg (3320 bytes)fact, they're permeated in it.  How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?


Q: What's the secret to healthy eating?


A: Thicker gravy.


Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not!  When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.


Q: Is chocolate bad for me?


A: Are you crazy?  Cocoa beans...   Another vegetable.  It's the best feel good food around!



I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

Have a cookie -
flour is a veggie!

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The Mother of All Grease Fires

 

 

 

A true story:

 

I work in the very center of the city of Palo Alto, in a nice office building. We are surrounded on every side by restaurants, hotels, and so forth. But we are a computer company, and so our building ends up needing a lot of electricity. We use about a megawatt (1 million watts).

In order to deliver a million watts of electricity to an office building, you need a very large transformer. These transformers are too big to put on poles, and besides in quaint downtown areas nobody likes those poles any more. So the transformers are put underground. The million-watt transformer that powers our office building is located in an underground vault in the middle of a walkway that leads to City Hall. The transformer is about the size of a small car, and the transformer vault is about the size of a one-car garage, except that the way you get in is to climb down a ladder from the street level. The top of the transformer vault is well ventilated, because a million-watt transformer generates a lot of heat.

Several fine restaurants are near this walkway, along with a bank, an art supply store, and so forth. There's a lot of foot traffic. This being California, where it never rains, and this being Palo Alto, where it is always springtime, the restaurants have outdoor seating areas that are very popular.

Recently the patrons of one restaurant started to complain that there was an unpleasant odor in their otherwise idyllic outdoor seating area. Soon the Health Department was called, and they quickly determined that the odor was caused by rancid oil that had seeped into the sidewalk. Further investigation showed that the source of the rancid oil was overflow from a nearby grating. The grating was marked "City of Palo Alto Utilities,'' so the utility department was called.

The utility crew quickly discovered the problem. The oil wasn't really oil, it was molten deep-frying grease, which was molten because it was being kept warm by a million-watt transformer. The entire vault was completely full of used frying grease, about 2000 gallons of it, which was enough to completely cover the transformer. The heat of the transformer kept the grease from solidifying.

Police quickly figured out what had happened. Every night for quite a number of years, one of the nearby restaurants had, at closing time, emptied its fryer into the transformer vault, thinking that they were dumping it into the storm sewer. It's quite illegal to dump grease into a storm sewer, of course, but they probably figured they would never get caught.

Transformers do occasionally overheat; this is why they are kept in concrete vaults. If this one had overheated, we would have had the mother of all grease fires.

Last night they shut off all of the electrical power, pumped out the hot grease, washed out the vault, and replaced the transformer. It's very fortunate that nobody was killed.

Today's "daily special'' menu did not include the usual fried fish.

 

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