If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try
orderin' somebody else's dog around.
Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.
There's two theories to arguin' with a woman. Neither one works.
If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
Never slap a man who's chewin' tobacco.
It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.
Always drink upstream from the herd.
When you give a lesson in meanness to a critter or a person, don't be surprised if they
learn their lesson.
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.All I know is what I read in the papers.
They may call me a rube
and a hick, but I'd a lot rather be the man who bought the Brooklyn Bridge than the man
who sold it.
People don't change under
governments. Governments change. People remain the same.
As bad as we sometimes
think our government is run, it is the best run I ever saw.
Personally, I have always
felt the best doctor in the world is the Veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what's
the matter. He's just got to know.
No man is great if he
thinks he is.
It's great to be great,
but its greater to be human.
People are marvelous in
their generosity if they just know the cause is there.
No nation ever had two
better friends that we have. You know who they are? The Atlantic and Pacific oceans.
Statistics have proven
there are twenty five bath tubs sold to every Bible.
We will never have true
civilization until we have learned to recognize the rights of others.
We are here just for a spell and then pass
on...So get a few laughs and do the best you can. Live your life so that whenever you
lose, you are ahead.
I don't make jokes, I just watch the Government
and report the facts...
You can always joke (good naturedly) a big man,
but be sure he is a big man before you joke about him.
We'll show the world we are prosperous, even if
we have to go broke to do it.
Things in our country run in spite of
government. Not by aid of it!
If we got one-tenth of what was promised to us
in these acceptance speeches there wouldn't be any inducement to go to heaven.
Elect 'em for a six-year term; not allow 'em to
succeed themselves. That would keep their mind off politics.
Nobody wants to be called common people,
especially common people.
Liberty don't work as good in practice as it
does in speeches.
The Income Tax has made more Liars out of
American people than Golf has.
It's not what you pay a man but what he costs
you that counts.
The Lord so constituted everybody that no
matter what color you are you require the same amount of nourishment.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening
to somebody else.
Rumor travels faster, but it don't stay put as
long as truth.
You shake a slogan at an American and it's just
like showing a hungry dog a bone.
The only time people dislike gossip is when you
gossip about them
An economist is a man that can tell you what
can happen under any given condition, and his guess is liable to be as good as anybody
else's.
Civilization has taught us to eat with a fork,
but even now if nobody is around we use our fingers.
Even if you're on the right track, you'll get
run over if you just sit there.
The only way to solve the traffic problems of
the country is to pass a law that only paid-for cars are allowed to use the highways.
 There is
nothing as stupid as an educated man if you get him off the thing he was educated in.
Everybody is ignorant, only on different
subjects.
There is something about riding down the street
on a prancing horse that makes you feel like something, even when you ain't a thing. |
